Live from the Infusion Center. . .Hope

Right now I am sitting at the infusion center while my IV Zithromax drips into me. I was reading a book on hope and how it relates to our health. I have so many questions about hope. What determines who holds onto hope during a challenging illness and who looses hope? Do we all start with the same amount of hope? Maybe the extent to which we have hope stems from our personality more than from our experiences. It could be the other way around. Some patients suffer horrible life threatening illness and have tremendous hope that they will get better and other people only have relatively minor illnesses and they seem to have no hope. People always ask me how I am able to stay positive after suffering and feeling awful for 10 years. It is a hard question to answer. Maybe the idea that I will never give up helps me have hope. I just cannot imagine having to deal with this illness and not being optimistic and hopeful. If I had a bad attitude, I would still have to deal with the same physical problems, only I would be more mentally miserable. Maybe other factors play a role, such as having a supportive family. I have an amazing group of family and friends who support me. Maybe that helps me stay more positive and hold onto hope that my future will be better. I will get better. I choose to have hope. A few days ago while I was here, I overheard an MS patient say that God was torturing her everyday and that maybe it would be better if she died and went to heaven. Listening to her made me so sad. IT sounded like she had given up and that she was truly suffering physically and emotionally. The cancer patient next to her tried to cheer her up by telling her how she copes with her limitations and daily challenges. Sitting across from both of them, I could see how each woman had chosen, whether consciously or unconsciously, what level of hope to possess. Hope is related to optimism. I think that optimistic people probably have more hope than pessimistic people do. I do not mean to imply that having unrealistic hope and blind optimism is always for the best. I think that we have to be realistic about our health situations. We cannot just hope that cancer will go away and ignore medical advice. I cannot just hope that I will be able to go to a job tomorrow. I have tried to will myself to get better and will myself to do what I want to do and it does not work. I usually end up fainting. My body dictates what I can do but I cannot help but wonder if having hope in our minds, helps our body function optimally and therefore gives us the best chance of getting well. I wish that all of us who are suffering can find hope and that the hope can help us reach a better quality of life.