Writing

I have been seriously considering trying to make a living as a writer. I have a desire to write. It is a craft that I enjoy and that usually does not take too much energy for me. For the last year, I have been sharing with my friends my interest in writing. The problem has been that I am not sure what to write about. I started writing a book about my experience with Lyme disease. I worked on it for about 2 months but then I decided that I do not need to recount my numerous disappointing doctors’ appointments and my endless suffering as I searched for a diagnosis. Most people tell me that it must be therapeutic for me to write about my experiences. It is helpful but I am ready to move forward in my life as opposed to looking backward constantly. I am over it.

The whole idea of writing came about because I was thinking about what I can do. It is so frustrating to have an illness that limits my energy and therefore my choices. Ideally, I would like to finish college and then go on to get a PhD in Psychology. I barely have the energy to take one class at a time though. If I start on that plan, it will take me 15 years to reach my goal and in the meantime, I will not be contributing financially to my family. I am struggling with my idealistic way of seeing life. I do believe that it is possible to find a profession that I am passionate about and that I can make money at. I argue this point constantly. I have always believed that I would either study medicine or psychology. Then I would go on to be a successful doctor or psychologist. In either scenario, I would be a professional doing some skill that I liked, that I was good at, that brought money into my family, and that was respected. Now, I feel like I have to find what I can do as opposed to what I want to do. Helping other people takes a lot of energy. I can barely take care of myself right now. There is a disconnection between my personality and my body. My body is not cooperating with what my heart and mind want to do. The question that I have is, should I give up on these dreams of doing something ideal for me and settle for doing something, something that I can do. Today, I can write. I don't need any additional classes. Maybe it is like having a skill. Is writing my skill? I had a professor a few years ago tell me that he had no doubt that I would be a professional writer someday. Writing as a career had never occurred to me but I like the idea of it. When I write something that I like, I feel a rush of excitement. It immediately puts me in a good mood. Now, I have to figure out what genre of writing to pursue and how to actually get published.